Unspilt milk

The crying part I can forgive myself for... hey, it's freakin' sad to be me just now.

But I must say that the nurse called from the prenatal care centre today and let me know that (despite my probably incoherent message on their machine yesterday) they are refunding the full amount and hope to see us next time. I'm not sure if that's their regular policy for women who have lost pregnancies or if the weeping triggered sympathy. However, I am grateful that they waived the admin fee for my situation. I mean.. it's not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, it just seemed like a crappy thing to lose that on top of all the hopes, wishes, dreams and happiness I'd packed into 10.5 weeks.

And of course her call this morning unleashed a fresh torrent of tears... My husband had called earlier and we had been talking about what might happen with the fee, and he said I just need to "deal with it and get on with things." I so took it wrong, I think... I felt like he was saying that about my sorrow over the loss and not just about speaking with the class organizer. I didn't say anything but I do feel like he's growing impatient with me being sad. I still don't think he really gets why I am 'still' sad and not back to the cheery, happy-go-lucky Emily he loves. I can fake it and even feel okay for a day here or there but I don't think this pain goes away that easily.

And then I had a nightmare about a baby shower I have coming up, it's for my best friend. I dreamed that I lost it at the shower and everyone thought I was just being a selfish jerk because nobody knows about our loss. (My best friend does know but she respects me not wanting to tell others). arghhhh This is not what I want my life to be about!

Anyway.
As usual, I have found some giveaways today -

For baby:

• Win an alphabet or numbers art print and your choice of two cards by SweetBeets (a Canadian company!) at {Natural} Mommie. Ends July 25th.
• Win an item of your choice by Picaflor clothing at Go Graham Go! Ends July 30th.
• Win a $50 gift certificate to Bug & Pickle at Simply Stacie! Ends July 29th.
• Win an Eco Fleece Sleep sack (size small in blue or pink) by kohlrbaby at {Natural} Mommie - I'm late on this one, it ends tonight, July 16th!
• Win an awesome looking baby gift pack from Verona Organics at Your Mama Reviews! YMR was impressed even though she didn't want to be! That says a lot! Ends July 23rd.
• Win a personalized alphabet print (love!) by Penny People at Mon Petit Amour! Ends July 21st.
  

For the ladies:

• Win a Rock and Roll Mom tank top by PeaceLoveMom at A Giveaway Everyday. Ends tonight (July 16th) at midnight!
• Win a $25 gift certificate to Passion Spice (maternity/nursing lingerie that is actually sexy!) at Katydid and Kid! Ends July 20th.
• Win a $25 gift certificate to Layers Clothing at Flying Giggles & Lollipops! Ends July 29th.
  

For anyone:

• Win a $30 gift certificate to Gorgeous and Green (another Canadian company!) at My Mom's View. Ends July 24th.
  

more to come...
and I'm going to be posting my very own giveaway later today so watch for that! :)