Monday, January 11, 2010

My weekend

Food, glorious food!

On Saturday, we had a family get-together to go to. It was the last (thank goodness) of the Christmas celebrations. The extended family of my husband on his father's side gets together for this once a year. Usually it's kind of... interminable. But this year was actually pretty nice.

The dinner is potluck, buffet style. We took a couscous salad. DH was worried his family (full of picky eaters) wouldn't touch it. But lo and behold, the salad was almost gone after dinner. People definitely knew it was us who brought the couscous, just because it's different, I guess, from the standard meat and potatoes fare (I'm not kidding - there were three different potato dishes and two different meats. Plus that creepy marshmallow salad - ew!). So I was thrilled that the couscous salad went over well. The recipe was from my Vegetarian Times cookbook, and you can find it online here. We're not even generally huge fans of couscous, but it really was flavourful and yummy, as well as simple and quick to make. Recommended if you have a potluck to go to, or for a family meal that has it all: grains, veggies and protein!


Testing, testing, 1-2-3

The low point of this weekend came on Sunday. This part's kinda personal. I've been waiting... and waiting... and waiting for a visit from Aunt Flo. I'm on day 37 today of my cycle (it's never been this long before, without me being pregnant). With the ectopic pregnancy and subsequent methotrexate shot at the end of October, my OB/gyn told us to wait three months to try to conceive again. So we have been pretty careful in the meantime. We are waiting for February to roll around. But this extra-long cycle had me worried. So on Sunday morning I took a pregnancy test. Just to be sure. And the result was...

Negative. Just one little pink line, not two.

My response has me really upside-down.

I'm relieved
- I would probably have worried a little about the MTX not being completely out of my system. However, I've been doing a lot of reading and have read from many sources that often doctors only recommend waiting one full cycle after the shot. So I wasn't super worried about that. Relief is maybe 5% of the emotional stew.
I'm disappointed
- the slight possibility of being pregnant had me feeling absolutely elated. I was seeing signs every day that were potential signs of pregnancy. I guess that was just wishful thinking or I was reading too much into things.
I'm bitter
- I wish I weren't, but there it is.
I'm frustrated
- with DH, who is completely logical and not at all emotional about things like this. He doesn't understand my disappointment at all, when we both know that I'm not supposed to be pregnant now, it wasn't likely considering how careful we have been, and we would have been worried about complications. To him that makes it a complete relief. To me, my brain knows all that, but my heart still longs for a little one, and despite my best efforts not to hope for a positive, I couldn't extinguish that spark of hope. I wish he could understand that the logic of the brain and the illogic of the heart can co-exist.
I'm annoyed - with my dumb random cycle. What the heck?!
I'm tired - of the rollercoaster, and of waiting in general.

So... I'm still in waiting mode. Waiting for the next Day 1. Waiting for February - the month of love! Waiting to feel like I'm moving forward and not just in stasis.


Nerves of spaghetti!

Meanwhile, I'm also full of anxiety because tonight I'm starting a new class in my studio (I teach oil painting classes for beginners). I have three new people coming tonight (and some returning students), and it's the first class of an eight-week session. I have a little stage fright! I've been teaching for, oh, maybe 12 years or so, but every new class feels like I've never done this before. I couldn't sleep last night. I know that once I get into it, it will be fine. But oh! I'm anxious.


That's a lot of me, me, me. How was your weekend?


  1. Sometimes our cycles just can be out of whack! I know you must be looking forward to February though :-)

  2. I hope your period starts soon and you can get things going! Your pateince is really being tested isn't it. Perfect training for motherhood. :-)

  3. my daughter has went through the endless loss of pregnancy test etc... and finally when they relaxed they were lucky enough to concieve and now she is my lil princess I pray that this will happen for you as well

  4. we're all here for you, you, you! sorry to hear of the continued frustration - what a trying time.

    I wanted to let you know that I first had that marshmallow salad at my fella's family summer campout, and it is not one of my favorite things!

  5. I totally feel you on the late period... I was there myself so many times. The mind f*cking is just so relentless. Even after negative tests, I'd still have a shred of hope that it *might* be wrong. On the up side, it seemed like buying and using a test was always a surefire way to speed up the period! ;-)


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