The update

So, of course, there was a reason the ob/gyn wanted to see me so quickly. An ultrasound on Monday again showed the ‘mass’ in my left tube that the first ultrasound back on October 8th showed (what happened on the 9th when they didn’t see it in the ultrasound at the hospital is anyone’s guess). It also shows a 3.7cm cyst in my right ovary, but that is not a big concern at this point.

As it turns out, it was an ectopic pregnancy after all. The latest blood test showed that the beta levels are going down, but not fast enough.

The ob/gyn sent me over to the hospital for a methotrexate shot. It’s a chemotherapy drug which will kill any remaining living tissue from the pregnancy. We’ll have to wait three months, until it’s out of my system, to try again.

I spent five hours at ER, they took 6 vials of blood, I got an IV put in then taken out again three hours later and two shots in the bum. And a prescription for Lorazepam to help with the stress of it all. It sucked at the hospital; people kept staring at me because I was crying. My husband couldn’t be there because he’s got the flu again.

I’ve got two more blood tests and another appointment with the ob/gyn next week as follow-up.

I’m pretty upset about it. I never thought I'd be terminating a pregnancy. Even though this is the only thing that could be done, I still feel upset. I have all the useless, childish reactions of it's not fair, why me... and even anger at the fetus for not just waiting until it was in the right place to implant... Yes, I know exactly how ridiculous that is!

Logically I can process all this stuff, but emotionally I'm frustrated, sad, and I feel betrayed. And I can't believe we have to wait three to six months for this crappy drug to leave my system before we can try again to conceive.

I have about a zillion giveaways (on other blogs) lined up to post about, but I'm just not up to it today. Maybe tomorrow.