Monday, June 29, 2009

One day at a time

I really appreciate how nice everyone has been, it's definitely been a rough few days. My husband has been great (after he got over his freak out on Friday!) and we have talked to a couple friends and some of our family, everyone's been really supportive. We're actually coping with this a lot better than I thought we ever would, Friday was devastating but each day that goes by is easier emotionally and honestly we are just looking forward to trying again.

I think the hardest thing for me was learning that the baby didn't make it past 6 weeks and there I was at 10+ weeks still singing and talking to the baby. Realizing that was so heartbreaking for me. But I do know that it was nothing that I did or didn't do, everything that I could control I was doing right so it was simply not meant to be. And I know a lot of women don't necessarily think this way, but for me I would rather lose the fetus earlier than later in the pregnancy, and rather have a natural miscarriage than have a baby that only survives a few days, weeks or years in pain because of some genetic or congenital problem.

I did have a vivid dream the other night that I was holding the tiniest baby. I had a chance to hold it and love it and it simply faded away in my hands. Although it sounds like a bad dream it was actually a good one, I felt really positive that things were going to turn out okay and I had a chance to at least say goodbye and know the baby was loved and cared for in its short life. I guess some mental closure came out of it.

So thank you again to everyone who sent a kind word or thought my way. I have a big art show coming up that is taking up a lot of my time over the next couple weeks so between our personal and my professional life things are pretty busy. I'm going to take a little break from the blog and giveaways but I'll be around, I do still have a TTC giveaway that I want to do in the near future and I promise that the giveaway lists will be back!

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