Coping

Thank you all so very much for the kind words and support. I have told my closest friend, who went through the same thing last summer and is now in her 6th month of her second pregnancy and everything looks great for her. I also talked to my mom and step-dad tonight about it, they were also very sad and supportive. We decided not to tell my husband's family until we have the good news of a healthy 12-week fetus next time, we just want to avoid the sympathy, curiosity and gossip that goes with a big extended family.

And my husband has really come around now that he realizes I wasn't just thinking the worst - the reality is that the worst is happening. I think he was still in denial and hoping it was some kind of mistake. He's been really sweet since last night once I started the real bleeding (TMI) and today, reassuring each other that we love each other and lots of hugs are getting us through it. He is very disappointed as well.

I've had a few good solid cries and that actually helped me get through the worst of it. I'm sure the grieving's not over but I feel like I can handle things a little better today than I could yesterday, that's for sure.

It will get easier once the cramps and bleeding stop and my body stops acting pregnant (I still have the nausea, skin issues, etc of the first trimester), once my belly goes back to normal, I will feel like I'm back on track and in a while we will try again.

We spent the day making jam and pie, weird thing to do but it kept my husband and I busy all day so we weren't sitting around thinking too much about what might have been.