Friday, February 19, 2010

The Nothing New Newsflash

This is kinda personal.

Another loooong (37-day) cycle goes by and... not pregnant.

Not exactly news, I guess. More like stale old leftovers you can't wait to throw out. I'm a little sad today. I didn't have big hopes for this month because I knew based on my chart that the chances were nil for conception. But, you know, it's hard to keep that hope from surfacing as the cycle stretches on and on. I'd told myself I'd test at 40 days if my period hadn't come by then.

And did I mention our friends just announced they're three months along? That makes couple #8 among our friends (I'm not talking old Facebook friends that I haven't seen in ages, these are close friends). Seven of those already have their little ones in their arms. And I feel like the only person in the world who is not pregnant or a mother already.

I know it's not true. I know we shouldn't give up hope. It's just hard some days. I'm 33 and tired of waiting.

We're going over to our happy pregnant friends' house tonight to play Settlers of Catan, and I hope I can keep it together. I wish I didn't know they've only been trying since the fall - so it only took them like 2 months to get pregnant. I wish I didn't know we've been trying since November of 2008 and had two losses already, and besides that many months of disappointment. I wish that every time my body bleeds I didn't feel like it's another failure.

So I'm doing my venting here and trying not to be a sad person with my husband or our friends. I don't want advice. I just need to let it out somewhere.

7 comments:

  1. Sending lots of hugs your way and hoping that next month will be IT!!

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  2. I feel you. My husand and I have been TTC since Nov. 2008 too.

    I'm just a day or two away from the end of my cylce. I'm cautiously optimistic b/c we gave it a full-force effort this month....but the part of me who remembers that none of OPK tests came out with a bright blue line knows that it probably isn't likely.

    The day I get my period and the following days after are always so depressing. I get so hopeless. But then after the disappointment wears off, I get more hopeful b/c it's another month and another chance to get pregnant.

    Hopefully next month will be yours!

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  3. Just wanted to add my hugs to the group :) and let you know I'm here too and sending prayers your way!

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  4. I know the feeling of needing to vent. I also know the feeling when everyone wants to give you advice. It can get annoying. Take care!

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  5. Glad to know I'm not alone!! Vent or email me if you ever want to! I know the feeling. We tried over a year to get pg with our youngest, finally after 2 rounds of Clomid we were sucessful. But that was after officially giving up trying in November (found out we were pg the end of December).

    This time around we hadn't been trying that long, but it's been almost a year now. This time we started the Clomid at about 6 months and were pg the first time around. Then the m/c.

    HUGS!!! I know that since I've already got kids I shouldn't be complaining, but I just want you to know that I'm here to listen!!!! HUGS!!!!

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