Something to be excited about

The background:

Okay, so anyone who's been reading my blog for a while knows about our recent troubles: we've been trying to start a family for 13 months and so far have had a miscarriage in June, and an ectopic pregnancy in October... dealing with the aftermath of these things has been incredibly hard for me, both physically and emotionally. The hardest parts have been - aside from the extreme physical pain of the first, the anxiety and termination of the second, and the accompanying misery of both -

• watching ALL of my friends have babies in the last 6 months. Really, all of them. Perfect, beautiful, happy babies, with exhausted, delighted, frustrated, happy, wondering parents. I love the babies. I love their parents. But it kinda hurts, too. And not only is it a little hard to see the happy families, it's also hard to have our friendships change, as the parents are so busy and tired with babies that we don't see them as much.
  
• knowing the EDD of my first lost pregnancy is approaching and trying so hard not to think about how far along I would have been, if only.
• being the person that is more emotionally affected in our relationship. I know that DH wasn't as affected by either the pregnancies (after all, he couldn't really see anything happening, and certainly didn't experience the symptoms of early pregnancy, the hormones (oh, the hormones), or the physical pain of losing them), and I also know that he doesn't get how, since they're "over", why I'm still so affected. He tries. But I know he gets impatient with me. And that's hard on me, too.
  
• reading blogs detailing the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood... I'm fascinated by and eager to join the ranks of mom bloggers, but at the same time it's a little like I'm rubbing salt in my own wounds by reading these daily.
  
• the waiting, which seems like forever.
  

The waiting is SO. FRICKIN'. HARD.

Not only the waiting during - after we'd found out there was a problem with the pregnancies, and were waiting for test results, the pain to start, the pain to end, the emotional fallout (waiting to stop waking up crying and bursting into tears at the drop of a hat) - but the waiting after, when it feels like time is alternately flying by (in terms of my age) and crawling along at a snail's pace (in terms of wanting to get going already).

While we're waiting for February, I'm trying to keep steady with maintaining my health and learning about the things that I've been going through, fertility in general, and things that may help us in the future. It makes me anxious to learn that I now have a 20% chance of another ectopic pregnancy. Scary. But I've also learned that we are able to get pregnant, which is a big hurdle for a lot of couples, and it doesn't take forever (even if it feels like it does).

Here's the "excited" part:

I am going to have the opportunity to try some new things in the near future that hopefully will help us with the next round, thanks to Fairhaven Health. You may have noticed the button to the right, up there near the top, for Fairhaven Health. It's a site I'd looked at ages ago when we first started trying, and then life happened, I got distracted, I never really followed up. But after reading about what was going on with me, Jamie from Love To Shop Mom got in touch and encouraged me to contact them. Result: over the next few weeks (once the products arrive), I'll be testing out the FertilAid, FertileCM, and a digital basal thermometer. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've been using Fertility Friend as well (which will be more useful, I think, with the basal thermometer). While I've been pretty aware of my cycles over the last year, there are a lot of little things that this helps keep track of that it hadn't occurred to me to track. For instance, I had no idea that I am sleep-deprived about half the time - DH suffers from sleep apnea, and that really has been affecting my sleep; I just hadn't realized how much until I tracked it.

Anyway. That's a lot of me, me, me info.
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A little on the not-so-serious side...

Phrase I am sick of: "At the end of the day..."

Ugh. I have heard this every day lately from different interviewees on CBC Radio 1. I think it's a dumb thing to say.

Phrase that has me giggling like a little girl: "Stink pickle"

I saw this on Manic Mother (where the context is as funny as the phrase itself). I'd never heard it before. I know I oughta act my age, but really... I know you're laughing, too.