Sunday, March 4, 2012

Moral dilemmas for housewives

1. You find change in the bottom of the washer.
  • Finders keepers! For all the laundry you do, a few coins is a paltry payout. Maybe one day you'll have enough to buy one of those fancy coffees.
  • Into the family vacation fund. Hey, the jar now contains $3.68! You now have enough for an amazing family bus ride (within city limits, one way, if you sneak the baby in under your coat)!
  • Return to sender. You know who never empties their pockets. The change is probably from that lunch out he had one work day last week. Nevermind that someone else makes you lunch pretty much... NEVER.
Okay, you can probably guess which option I choose! :)

2.  You have a couple hours while hubby takes the baby swimming and shopping for a new snowboard (not for the baby). You:
  • make brownies (*see below)
  • do 3 loads of laundry (sorting, washing, drying, hanging, folding, sorting again, putting away)
  • take out the garbage and the recycling
  • shovel the snow off the walk
  • vacuum. The powerhead doesn't work on the crappy central vac at the crappy rental house so you spend ages going over the worst bits of the floor with the hose, inch by inch.
  • tidy the kitchen (wash up, put dishes away)
  • scrub the carpet some more where the baby barfed because she was crying so hard about taking a nap
  • make the bed
  • all of the above
WHY did I choose the last option?! I could have been having a glorious, baby-free nap this whole time.

3. Back to those brownies. The butter and chocolate chips have melted in the pot. You've added the sugars and cocoa and two of the "add one at a time" eggs. You crack the last expensive free-range egg into the pan of hot brownie batter and... it's bloody. Not just a speck, it's got a bloody yolk, bloody white and is seriously, nauseatingly gory. That last egg is sitting on top of the batter. You:
  • scrap the batch. Um, gross! The very thought of bloody egg makes you gag. Eggs are hard enough for the thoughtful vegetarian to eat as is.
  • rush to the sink, pour off the gruesome egg down the drain, grab another egg from the fridge (cracking it into a bowl first, just in case, wishing you'd done that before), and continue to cook brownies. That was gross, but it's over (try desperately to forget). No-one need know.


  1. Tut, tut, EMILY!!! You should have napped..... You're too efficient!!

  2. Also Scrap the batch.....that's gross....haha what did you end up actually doing?

  3. Yes, definitely started over. Vegetarians really do prefer not to eat blood!


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