Dear darling daughter,
You are lovely, clever and charming, but your sense of humour needs some refinement.
Your cute little sounds, that can go on for twenty minutes - aaa-ooooo-booo-guh-aaaa-ayyyyypbbbbb-boo-booo-el-goooo-yuh ayboo-eh-geeeee-buhzeee (I'm transcribing as she talks right now) - those are Funny.
Those superextraloud grunts you come out with while we are half-asleep nursing in bed in the middle of the night, the ones that keep Daddy awake on work nights... Not Funny.
When you bust out your heh-heh-ha! laugh when Daddy goes nom-nom-nom on your neck or belly, that's Funny!
When you settle in for a nap, but it only lasts half an hour, that's Not Funny.
The way you wake up grumpy, but as soon as you see your Mum or Dad you give a giant gummy grin and sometimes a squeal - that's Funny!
When Daddy gives you a shower and Mummy takes you, dripping wet, and cuddles you dry in your hooded towel, and then you spit up all over your just-cleaned self and the towel and Mummy, that is Not Funny.
When you fill your pants five minutes after Mummy puts a fresh diaper on you, that is Not Funny. Stop grinning.
When you grab your toes when Mummy is changing you, that's Funny.
When you poop twelve times in one day, that is seriously Not Funny. Let's never repeat that debacle.
When it's 4am and you are having your diaper changed in the semi-dark by a very sleepy Mummy, and Mummy turns to put your old diaper in the bin, and grabs the last clean cloth diaper to put on you, starts to snap it and discovers that you've peed a puddle on the change mat, which is now soaking your clothing, yourself, the last clean diaper and Mummy as well... that's Not Funny.
When you're nursing at 4:30am and you keep falling asleep, and Mummy thinks she can put you gently down and go back to sleep but you wake with a start and re-latch like you're starving, and repeat every three minutes for twenty minutes, that's Not Funny.
When Mummy finally gets you into the bassinet at 4:50am, it is Not Funny to spend the next hour Riverdancing. Mummy needs a little sleep.
When you're hungry and you try to nurse on Daddy, that's Funny.
When you're hungry and you try to nurse on Mummy, but she's not ready for you, and you're either drooling on the nipple area of her shirt (leaving a big soaking wet spot), missing the mark entirely and slobbering all over her chest, or giving her an honest-to-goodness hickey on her arm that she later must explain to her own Mum (true story), that's Not Funny.
When you make faces and constantly roll to the side every single time Mummy is trying to take a picture of the two of you together, that's actually kind of Funny.
When you grab Mummy's nose and honk it... that's Funny! (even better is getting a picture of the moment!)Love,