After so long in the TTC (trying to conceive) category, I don't want to be one of those women who are all shouty about being pregnant. I'm thrilled to be, thrilled it's come this far (13 weeks and 3 days today!), thrilled that so far everything looks good for a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby. (So far... I'm still coming to terms with letting the anxiety of loss go.)
But I have felt the pain of hearing and reading about other women's pregnancies when we were trying and losing our own. Twice. So keep in mind with every happy post there is still fear and a lot of understanding for those of you who have experienced loss or are still trying to conceive. It has been a long road for us.
What has kept me hopeful with this one is just celebrating each day and trying not to focus on what could happen. Thinking to myself, "Today, I am Still Pregnant" has gotten me through a lot of scary moments this time around.
So here is what happened.
I'd been on FertilAid for women for about three months, and FertilCM for about one month. My husband was taking a reduced dose of FertilAid for men. I'd also been charting my basal body temperature on Fertility Friend, so I knew exactly when I ovulated and when to expect my period or take a test. I have to say, if you are TTC, charting is a hassle but totally worth it. While we were trying, it took the pressure off for much of the month. And since we got pregnant, it's been helpful in dating because I have a long cycle - knowing exactly when I ovulated means I know exactly how many weeks along I am. Based on my LMP (last monthly period) alone, my doctor would be looking for a baby with development a week ahead of where mine is, and I'd be scared things weren't progressing properly.
We had a BFP (Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test) the week before my husband found out he was being transferred to Calgary for six months. At first the transfer was a shock, but really it has been perfect timing. He has avoided my morning sickness days and exhaustion, I've had the chance to get a ridiculous amount of sleep. He's working hard and I'm working hard, and at the end of his time out there, I'll have a month left to go. He'll be home when I need him. And with him coming home every second weekend, he's been able to come with me to the ultrasounds, which has been great.
The first ultrasound I had was really early, at six weeks. I was a mess of worry, with my history. So seeing that heartbeat at six weeks and two days was an incredible relief.
The second ultrasound was at eight weeks and two days. I'd had a lot of spotting and even some bleeds - talk about scary - so I was sent for another ultrasound. But the little heart was still going strong!
The most recent was on Friday, for the NT/IPS scan. This is the one where there is an integrated ultrasound scan and blood testing, screening for problems like Down's Syndrome. The ultrasound showed that we are at low risk for Down's, and the baby moved around for us. Still a good strong heartbeat. The baby even measured a day ahead. We were hoping for a guess at the gender, but this little one was uncooperative! All our reading about the nub and the 'angle of the dangle' was for naught. We will find out at the anatomy scan in about 6 weeks.
Every single time I have had tears in my eyes lying there on the ultrasound table. I am still nervous, half expecting bad news, since I've had so many ultrasounds where the tech goes all silent and you just know something's wrong. But so far, so good. I can hardly believe it.
I'm showing now - no hiding the baby bump. I've borrowed a bunch of maternity clothes from my friends, who all had their babies last year. That has been great. It's really weird not to recognize my own body when I look down or see myself in the mirror.
We shared the news with the family this past weekend. We sent out the ultrasound picture and had everyone over for a big party. It was chaos, exhausting, and wonderful to be surrounded by happy family.
My due date is February 4th (or 3rd if you go by my last ultrasound instead of my O date). And we don't have a cute name for the baby - I know a lot of couples have an in-the-womb nickname, but it just doesn't feel right. We do, however, have names picked out for a boy or a girl. In fact, we picked the girl name about six years ago, on something like our third date!
So there you go. Thank you all so much for the support and congratulatory comments! I was so happy to finally be able to share the news.